Ask the Right Questions
In a small village surrounded by hills and swamps, three brothers set out to seek the same advice, but each received a different answer. Why? It came down to what they asked. In the days of AI promt engineering, asking the right questions is more relevant than ever. So, let me briefly retell the story to you, which I read as a little girl.
Three brothers and their mother lived in a worn-out house at the foot of a hill near a swamp, where rainwater would often flood their home. Tired of living with mud and mildew, they dreamed of something better. Their mother suggested building a new house on the sunny hilltop above, on a plot of land they newly inherited, but it was not a trivial task. She sent her eldest son to the village wise man for advice. The eldest son described their flooding woes to the wise man and asked:
“Would it be bad if we build our house on the top of the hill?”
The wise man replied, “Yes, it would be bad.”
Puzzled, the son returned with the warning. Not ready to give up, the mother sent her middle son to seek guidance, hoping this son would explain their situation more clearly to the wise man. The middle son was even more elaborate in describing their current troubles, outlined the challenges they would face if building the house on the hill, and asked for guidance:
“Would it be bad if we build our house on the top of the hill?”
Again, the wise man replied, “Yes, it would be bad.”
Growing concerned, the mother turned to her youngest. This son approached the challenge differently. He explained to the wise man how the old house had served its purpose, but now the family is ready to improve their living situation.
“Would it be good if we build a new house on the top of the hill?” he asked, describing dry floors and sunny days.
The wise man smiled. “Yes, it would be good.”
The boy returned home beaming after getting the wise man’s blessing, but his family was baffled: Same story, different outcome – why? They all returned to the wise man and asked: Why did he say yes to one and no to the others?
“The questions we ask shape the direction we take,” the wise man answered.
“When we begin with ambivalence and fear of failure, the outcome is anchored in failure. But when we ask what good might come, we unveil a constructive path to move forward.”
The lesson is simple but powerful:
The quality of our questions shapes our actions and outcomes.
Leadership requires the courage, vision, and wisdom to seek better questions. To start, begin by replacing reactive, problem-focused questions with ones that invite possibility:
What do I want to see happen? (Instead of: “What else could go wrong?”)
What is already going well? (Not just: “What still needs fixing?”)
Who can help us move forward? (Rather than: “Who’s to blame for this?”)
Which resources can we activate? (Long before thinking: “Are we out?”)
What positive outcomes could emerge from this challenge? (Not: “How do we avoid getting in trouble?”)
What can I do to help this work even better?
In leadership, as in life, we move in the direction of our focus. Keep your eyes on where you want to go, because that's where you're most likely to end up.
Want better outcomes? Start by asking better questions.
Please forward this to someone who’s standing at the base of their own metaphorical hill, and might just need a better question to help them climb.
With gratitude,
Alina
Dr. Alina Bas, PCC
Executive Coach & Strategist
Adjunct Professor, NYU Graduate School of Arts and Science
https://AlinaBas.com/schedule
Alina@AlinaBas.com
NEWS & UPDATES
Between writing academic papers, working with clients, traveling to Iceland, Prague, and completing personal projects, it's been too long since I've offered classes that are open to the public, but this is about to change! COMING UP:
-NJ/NYC area, in person: a 1.5-hr workshop "Intuition: Myths, Science, and Practice". The class is Free, but registration is required. As you know from my past classes on intuition and sensory-based knowledge, the content always changes, even when the title remains the same. If you're interested in the topic, I'd love to see you at the workshop.
Date: Monday, July 28, 2025
Time: 6:30pm – 8pm
Location: Maurice M. Pine Public Library, 10-01 Fair Lawn Ave, Fair Lawn, NJ
Registration*: https://bccls.libcal.com/event/14765637
*Advance registration is required by the Library, as spaces are limited, and and the class is already half full.
-Washington DC area, in person: a 3-hr workshop "The Next Chapter: Career and Life Adventures", possibly followed by an even more engaging and practical idea party to put into action all the ideas from The Next Chapter workshop. Time/Location: TBD, will let you know soon. Send me a note if you want to stay in the loop!
Would you like to host workshops like this for your group of friends or for your team? Let's talk about it.
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